the unwritten voice of a child-to-be

The pain crawling along my gut and stretching emotional muscles just keeps getting stronger.

Other instances of fear amount to nothing when it’s this much of a heartache.

Love is what. What is it. Is it affection for another person? Is it the desire to not be alone?

How do we truly know love? Love’s a tricky daemon as it yields many different catalysts.

Cat. Jesus. Even typing her name makes my face sink with sadness.

There will be no one else for a long time, if ever. I say that without drama and without self sacrificial posturing.

It’s a choice born of what I think to be my manifestation of love. Why can’t doing something good be enough?

Why isn’t being nice, “love”?

Maybe it is. Maybe it’s a fool’s gold. Perhaps love doesn’t exist but it’s just fear of loneliness.

But have you ever felt so sure about someone that nothing else in the entire world or universe mattered?

Is that love? Is it exaggeration of a feeling of connectedness in this vast space we inhabit.

What stops us from hurting and feeling this pain? Many take the easy way out… The final way out.

But surely the hardest thing to do is often the right thing. If it’s too easy then you’re not getting anything back. There’s no friction or burn. There’s no energy.

Things have to be hard to work properly. We all want an easy life, but why? Easy means the norm, what we were told as kids to expect, the completion of an age old human process that has thankfully shifted over time.

Memories and beautiful feelings swim around in our minds. We are what we have been and we don’t know what we can be or what we will be.

Choices that you make in life will be hard or easy. We have to decide which is the appropriate choice to make at that moment in time. If we can’t do that then we’re lost to the sands…

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